admirations, musings and foolish thinkings.

thank you's, heartfelt musings and more.

I made the best mistake ever today.

Following up my last post, which I know was only yesterday, I did something I never thought i'd be able to do and plucked up the courage to tell the guy I like that I like him.

"Harri that was so brave" Is all I've heard from my friends since I did it and honestly? It doesn't feel that way, it feels great to have it off my chest but no matter how good it may feel it's always going to feel a little bit awful which is where a mother who understands my pain and gives me lots of chocolate comes in handy.

Of course, now i've done it I would recommend talking to a guy you like face to face over msn anyday (which I had thought about and was very close to doing) seriously. I think it hurts a lot less, previous msn disasters make me realise this, we always assume the worst of people when we want to tell them we like them. I thought I was going to be laughed at and mocked and ignored and feel completely useless and humiliated and regret it.

However some people don't seem to be as bad as all this. Instead I got a hug and a smile and more than that I felt respected, I wasn't laughed at or mocked (not yet at least) and this really has given me a little more inspiration when it comes to the humanity in this world and this kind of feeling you can't get over msn sure a guy that then goes *hugs* is good but it's nothing compared to the real thing, and I seriously admire you if you've had the guts to tell someone you like them to their face, equally I admire anyone who can sit there and smile and let someone down nicely after they've built up that courage, not many people I know can or ever will do that so just wanted to say thank you so much for that.

Moving back onto the topic (if only slightly) A famous teacher at my school (She has blonde and purple hair if ya know who I mean ;) ) Once told my english class that there is a thing called the human condition "we're born, we live, we die" everything else is a filler and doesn't really matter. Well sat here on my stairs I can't help but wonder if she is wrong. It's these moments and decisions in our lives that make them special, so what if I die tomorrow, or in thirty years time. It doesn't matter because now I won't be wondering "what if..." I won't be sat in my room thinking that maybe if i'd told him I would have had a chance... the only thing I can think now is... "What if he lied" and even i'm not stupid enough to think that, contrary to what some of my friends may believe!

So my readers, this doesn't really say much to you I guess. It's just a way of me trying to describe what is going through my mind at the moment and personally what I have said seems okay to me, even if it isn't as interesting as some of you may have hoped for! The long and the sort of it is that we only live once, our lives are short and there is nothing we can do to prolong it. Everything we do or don't do counts for something and why spend our existence worrying over how someone may view us? If it works out then brilliant! You can go to sleep at night feeling loved and comforted by the idea that someone out there is loving you and counting the minuets until they see you again. If it doesn't work out then don't worry, it hurts and I know that more than anything else right now but it's not the end and all you can do is remind yourself of that every time you feel low, don't listen to the sad songs and the hopelessly romantic songs. Listen to the songs that make you smile and laugh think of the times you've had and the times to come and know that eating chocolate and ice cream while crying over a sad film is not the end of the world, moan for a little while but slowly get back on your feet, smile and face the world again because nothing can make you feel better than knowing that though it all you kept your head held high and no matter how things turn out you know that you did what you had to do, you heard what you had to hear and life will seem so much better for it.

I'm sorry if that didn't make much sense... it took me a while to write that since I'm not 100% sure about what my head is thinking at the moment and following the heart is all I can do for the moment, and i'm glad I did because now I can sleep easy at night and get back to what is really important in my life! Friends, Family, Acting and of course School! :D

But there are a few people I want to thank more than anything in the world for just being there for me and also advancely thank you for all the hugs i'm going to demand off them tomorrow:

Emma, Millie, Rhiannon, Abby, James, Alex, Allya, Harriet and Jasmine

Love you all rather a lot

(There are loads more but those guys just deserve to be mentioned for now)

So as ever my blog readers, thank you for bearing with my rambling and much love from me on my staircase!

xox

HarrietCorey