Sell By Dates

Evening Blog lovers, haters and frequent stalkers...

So romance and love and relationships are funny little things. We put so c effort and attention into them, and what is it all for? I mean, I've had some pretty normal and pretty weird relationships, you all knew that before now though - I mean. I blog about most of them, or mention them. Or to be fair most of you are my friends (Probably chiefly Harriet) but I think I've topped the weirdness scale this time.

My current relationship has a sell by date.

Entering into a relationship with someone new is so exciting and the temptation of the un-known is overwhelming in most cases, it was a little like this with my current boyfriend. We met at work and it was only ever supposed to be "Just a fling" it had been boxed, labeled and classified before we even began. Slowly and surely it became more, we ended up "Seeing each other casually" and then "Seeing each other not so casually" swiftly followed by a full-blown "break up which isn't a break up because we were never actually together" before he came to his senses and realised that actually I meant a little more to him than either of us realised and before we knew it we were official. It's been that way for two months now and I love it. I like having someone to text and someone who I know will be there for me at the end of the day. He's always there if I need a hug or a chat or to take me out for a drink after a stressful day at work. The only problem is that our relationship is living on borrowed time, it's only a matter of time until everything ends.

He's 7 years older than me, he's been to University and the fact that he's back working at B&Q and living with his parents is a really sore subject. He hates it and who wouldn't? His dreams are bigger and better than that and one of the, well I guess, one of the conditions of us having any kind of serious relationship was that when he needed to move away for work, or he found a better job our relationship would be over. In a really selfish way I'd been hoping it would never amount to this, that maybe our relationship would be over through me pressing my oh-so-famous self destruct button before he could move away and leave me but he told me today that he's been selected for a management course within the company and will probably be going to lots of different stores. I know I sound like a total bitch with my previous comments but I'm so terribly proud of him and so excited for him too, it's just the realization that my relationship probably only has until October 22nd and then it's over?

The question is, is there any point in carrying on if there's no future in it? I've been hoping the whole time that something would happen and we'd be OK - but it's always there in the back of my mind. How long do we have left? When is it going to be over? Will I be able to handle it? How on earth is that break up conversation going to go?

It's be brilliant for some reasons though, every cloud has it's silver lining after all, it's all been very "live in the moment" I've been able to do things I've never done before, spontaneous things and all that. Silly little things like staying at his for two nights in a row, going to the zoo, the cinema, suggesting date ideas which I'd never have done if I thought we had all the time in the world. But it's getting a bit weird now he's saying "oh no, we'll do it in October, or November" and I'm sat thinking, yes sounds perfect but we haven't got time for that. Our relationship will be over before we even get that far... gosh I make it sound like one of us is dying! It's terrible I know but it's also a bit pathetic to feel like you're rushing things because it's not going to be like this much longer.

I care about him a lot, and I hate feeling like I'm going to be holding him back if we continue being together - but it won't just be him, I've got to start University again in a few weeks, which means less overtime at work, no days off and all my friends will be back. I've never ever been good at juggling a relationship with work, friends and school which is why this summer fling has been so damn perfect. I haven't had to worry about Uni and I've been at work every other day - which means I've seen him almost every other day since we started going out. But now? Now I'm facing the reality that I may not be able to cope and something, or someone, is going to suffer. I just hope for once it isn't me.

Well bloggies, sorry to be such a boring and complaining cow - but hey sometimes that's just life and sometimes we need to just type and type and type and not look back? No regrets remember?

Love you always
HarrietCorey
xox